Wonder Boy (Rough 1st Draft)

So here is a really rough beginning to some lyrics (or poetry) that I have been working on. Started in History class and just finished. Would love to hear any comments or suggestions that people have. Sometimes it makes sense in my head only to find that when others read it it is not quite as clear. Anything would help!


I’ve always been taught
To have expectations
It’s what takes me from day to day
But what happens when you expect expecting
Just to wake up and find
It’s gone away?

I’ve been dormant for a while now
Hibernating
In the city that doesn’t sleep.
Stagnant,
Pounding pavement
That won’t budge
Won’t help to lead me
To the destination I never reach.
Never reach.

Four AM; just the other night
I’m waking
From running fast in my dreams
Was hitting every spot
Learning
Finding everything
That when I’m awake I’m not.
Looks like I forgot
What I planned out to be.

I always had my sights set
On breaking borders
Never taking,
Only making orders.
But in the past two years
I’ve lost that voice inside my head
Saying stop pretending
Life is never-ending
And get your ass out of bed.
I’ve got wonder boy,
Wonder boy fear.

Wonder if I’ll be a wonder
Not for lack of reason though
Once I stop walking on a treadmill
I can finally just get out and go
Find the places I envisioned
Back in my parents kitchen
Drawing doodles after school
Ten years old, believing I was cool.

Where’s that sense of self-esteem?
That sense of living not just dreaming
Dreams.
It left the minute
I stared success in the eyes
Once I had to make a new goal,
Find a new prize.
Once I had to wander.

I always had my sights set
On breaking borders
Never taking,
Only making orders.
But in the past two years
I’ve lost that voice inside my head
Saying stop pretending
Life is never-ending
I’ve got to expect again.
I’ve got to wander
Out of wonder boy fear.

Wandering to wonder
Wondering to want
And all the while
Just waiting for that revelation
That hasn’t come.
It won’t come;
It’s here.
It’s in me.
I have to become
A Wonder.

I'm a Dancer. Not A Stripper.

You have not experienced rowdy New York until you attended a midnight showing of the cult classic masterpiece "Showgirls". That's exactly what my friends and I did last night. After a day of watching protests and rehearsals we then attended a farewell party for an old director of ours and then headed off to the notorious ABT hangout; the Russian Samovar. It was huge group of dancers there all going slightly crazy but we had bigger and better things to do.

Being a HUGE fan of the movie "Showgirls" when I found out there was a Rocky Horror type showing of it going on in the East Village I knew I had to be there. We headed downtown and upon arriving at the theater were greeted by a variety of drag queens accompanied by gay New York. We made it into the theater and sat second row right in front of the makeshift Volcano set that had been built to do a recreation of the show Nomi dances in during the movie. The pre-show started and was hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard in forever and the drag queens impressions of the movie (including a sketch of two drag queens lip-synching to their own voices reciting movie dialogue) were spot on. While these were some of the more manly drag queens I have ever seen, the audience was eating it up and I think everyone wished they would have kept going throughout the whole movie.

We were encouraged as an audience to shout out our favorite lines, talk back to the screen and basically were given the keys for a free for all. That's exactly what we did. Our group got so loud that we even had a couple of "shut ups" thrown our way but in the end I think that we really brought the level up quite a bit. The front few rows were most into yelling at the screen such gems as "thanks darlin", "its a versace", and my personal favorite from a few rows back during the pool sex scene "fish out of water Nomi!". The pool scene was our cue as an audience to turn it into "an all out rock concert" as the drag queens instructed us to.

Before the movie a parade of drag queens, drag kings and for some reason a young woman with a giant Troll (you know the troll toys from the 90's) mask on who was referred to as Troll-y entertained us. She attempted to hump everything in sight and as promised everyone who bought a large popcorn got a free lap dance. Right before the movie started the entire group of drag queens and characters flocked out to the audience and maniacally lap danced anyone they could. Included here I have a few pictures and while none quite do the night justice you can still get a glimpse of the now legendary Troll-y.

Marching (without marching) in New York

Yesterday was a day that couldn't have happened anywhere but here. New York City threw me a curveball by giving me a double whammy of true New York Experiences. For a week that had been seemingly endless and monotonous for EVERYONE that I know, this was exactly the kind of day I needed to spice things up. Where to start?!

Well first off it was a beautiful day, one of those that makes a person jealous that everyone else is out enjoying Saturday while we are working. I walked up to work through Union Square and pushed my way through the farmers market attempting not to look around to much because I knew I would be tempted to just relax in the park instead of going into class. As I walked up Broadway barricades lined the streets and police were beginning to make their way into view. A handful of people were beginning to congregate and had many anti-war posters scrawled with slogans mocking the Bush administration. Ah! Just what I love to see walking up to work. I couldn't help but think that I had never seen anything like this when Clinton was president but as my friends and I later concluded; Republicans just aren't the marching protest in NYC type. Oh and the miniscule detail that Clinton isn't crazy. While at 9:45 there were maybe twenty people gathered, the barricades hinted that much more was to come. So I proceeded into work and made it through class.

As class ended I walked out of the studio and heard a swelling roar pulsing from outside. The studio I had been in was devoid of any street facing windows so for the past hour and a half I had been sheltered from what was going on outside. Upon entering the lounge I could hear drums pounding and the noise of people chanting in unison. The dancers all started gathering by our lounge windows which face out onto Broadway and staring with a passive sense of urgency. Yes this was amazing what was going on outside but because of our work restrictions we could do nothing about it or join it in any way. Apparently the protesters had been so loud that in the other company class many dancers were unable to hear the teacher and music. Not something that happens too often. Our rehearsal was moved to the secluded studio so we could work in peace on our Orange County program. Little did I know that by the next time I viewed the crowd it would have multiplied yet again.

The next time I looked out over Broadway it had turned into a full fledged protest march. There were dancers in death costumes, people in giant Bush costumes holding signs that said "impeach me" and people of every age marching for whatever causes they were adamant about. Alejandro and I decided to sit out the window and try to show our support in the small way that we could. People quickly saw us and kept waving trying to get us to come down. I thought about how great it would be if I just told the powers that be that I had to go and do it....I wanted so badly to be a part of it but couldn't.

So much visible protest was something I had never seen in person before. It seems like something that only exists on CNN; not outside of my window. As I sat in awe watching so many passionate people I was just struck by the fact that all this outcry may have no reflection in the actual regime of the Bush administration. It saddens me to know that it might have all been for nothing. Was it though? Or is it just enough to KNOW that you have gone out and spoken your mind? I imagine that must be an extremely liberating thing showing such unified passion towards the government. Being able to look around and know that so many people feel just like you. As so many rights seem to be in jeopardy recently, its amazing to see freedom of speech being so loudly visible.

This was a moment that made me proud to be a New Yorker even if I wasn't out there with them, I felt things that I hadn't realized before. For such an organized example of New York's passion and freedom this was only the beginning. New York would prove to be even more amazing later in the day but this time in one of the rowdiest displays I have ever witnessed. Get ready for the Showgirls.

Sorry about the picture quality. Only had my phone to capture it this time.

The Threepenny Operatic Tragedy

Tonight I went to the show that I had been waiting to see all season. "The Threepenny Opera" at the legendary studio 54. Was it because I had been so excited that I was left feeling so cold by this bizarre production? Quite possibly, but I also think that yet again it just reiterates the point that I talked about when I saw "The Wedding Singer" and "The Drowsy Chaperone".

The state of musical theater is such a mess right now that even with a piece that could be (and has been before) so stunning and powerful, the powers that be are messing it up. Instead of allowing any hint of subtlety or nuance to exist in the show the point is constantly being spelled out and hammered into your brain. People don't present puzzle pieces in mass entertainment anymore, they just present a prepackaged answer.

We understand from the beginning of this show that it is about corruption. It asks us to think about who REALLY are the corrupt people in society? The criminal underworld or the seemingly harmless elite? Has TV and pop culture spawned all humans into creatures that cannot put 2 and 2 together but instead must have the answer flashed in neon in front of them? I certainly hope not. I would rather leave a show slightly confused about its meaning than confused because it was being pushed so hard. Corruption exists everywhere, it did back when this show was written in 1928 Germany and it does in 2006 New York. If you didn't know it already then let us parade corporate logos across the stage in a kick line to show you just how screwy things are.

Screwy is a good word to describe the evening. Like any of the reviews I have read state, it is almost a crime how under-used and/or misdirected the cast is. Nellie McKay (one of my current favorite people) basically plays herself; an aloof young woman particularly malleable to the hands of the people around her. While her Judy Garland-ish sing song speech and warbley voice are distinct it all becomes a little one-note by the end of the three hours. And speaking of misused talent....Cindy Lauper barely exists in the show. She comes onstage for about thirty minutes total and makes a good impression but never really gets the chance to go anywhere with it. Her voice is a bizarre powerful instrument but most of the time she just squints her eyes and basks in the glow of her teased hair and pushed up tits because that is what she has been directed to do.

Sexuality is one of the controversial things about this production. Wallace Shawn has taken the original text and done a new translation. It seems more though that he just spruced it up by throwing "fuck", "vagina" and "dick" wherever he possibly could. Is this to prove to us that sex has such an illusive power over the world? That it in itself presents the seeds of corruptions by being essentially the seed of life? I have no fucking clue. Ah there I go Wallace Shawn-ing my own sentence. Because once again, it is a fairly empty gimmick. By the time a go-go boy comes floating down on a neon horse throwing glitter at the end I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

As much as I gripe about it I still found much of it to be enjoyable. Particular moments had some inspired staging but most of those moments for me came when the cast sang in unison and stood still. Nothing was being driven in at that point but the material. Cory asked me today why I spend so much money going to shows. I told him its because it makes me happy and I have always loved it. The money is an unfortunate expenditure but I suck it up and fork it over. Why then am I second guessing myself so much lately? My faith is slowly diminishing in Broadway today and nothing so far this year seems to be proving me wrong. The culture we have created seems to (here is my Johnathan Franzen rant of the day) be dumbing us down. The creative team behind some of these shows that are being created MUST know better right?! Oh well, I will just go put some Sondheim on and go to sleep.

The Pumpkins Have Arrived....

Well its not Halloween but ABT was taken over by giant pumpkins today. Rehearsals are in full swing for the new(ish) production of Cinderella that we will be debuting at the Met this year. Its been fairly laborious learning it but it has done one main thing for me and that is that it makes me itch to choreograph. Witnessing a slightly more modern take on a ballet plants some seeds in my head about what I would like to do someday. Just thought I would take a pic today to show the lunacy taking place as the clock chimes.

I am still learning so much about how to push the choreography out of my brain and into the world. I will be lying in bed at night and suddenly a surge will take over my brain and I will see something and then the next minute is gone. How am I supposed to work with that? Can't my mind slow down at some point, just a little bit? It's like trying to catch fireflies.....flickering one minute and then darkness the next. My new goal with the choreography is to get some sort of skeleton of a piece ready by next fall when we are (supposedly) having a showing at LIU for the ABT/LIU students. Chances of that actually materializing are rare but it helps to have some sort of deadline set in my mind.

This week is national "turn off your TV" week. So who wants to join me in attempting this? It has been pointed out VARIOUS times to me that I watch FAR too much television so I think this could be a good thing for me. Now I might have to cheat with movies....but as far as actual television shows go, from here until next Monday I am quitting. I wonder how long I will last.

Spring Is Here....

Well the weekend is over and it is back to work. Sometimes I have such mixed feelings about going back to work...partly because of the work environment and then partly because of the outside environment. I love so much about work but it can get monotonous and when spring is here it is hard to be contained in a studio all day. I am sure people across the city are wrestling with this annoyance too. I guess I should just be happy not to be stuck behind a desk all day and to have the chance to be in a studio moving.

So for a blog today I thought I would just post a few pictures of some stuff that struck me when I was walking this weekend. Sometimes I feel like such a loser pulling out my camera to take pictures of such random shit but then the pictures end up pretty and I forget about the oddness. So here are a few ushering in the change of season.

The Disintegration of the Blog and the Blog Photo Shoots.

So I do not know what has gotten into me this week. All I know is that I have been spending enough money to feed most families on a daily basis and have nothing to show for it. Cities have a way of literally eating your money as the day progresses as if you were shredding it up. Well I can't say that I have nothing to show for it, just nothing physical. I did spend a lot of quality time with people that I hadn't hung out with in a long time. There were several Uno's dinners and many rooftop conversations that made me laugh harder than I have in recent memory. I felt like it had been forever since I had hung out with Lara and Blaine and Daniel and this was much needed time.

There are certain people that you know will always be in your life and sometimes you take that for granted (do you like me pointing the finger at the illustrious "you" when I really am referring to myself?). I have always had a hard time being a truly good friend to everyone. I tend to gravitate towards several people and without knowing it leave another set of people out. It has nothing to do with my love for one or the other, I am just really bad at managing friendships sometimes. I have struggled with working at this over the past years yet at twenty years old it is still something I am wrestling with. For someone that is such a loner in many respects it is easy for me to simply go days without hanging out with anyone. This has gotten me working on some new writing this week which probably explains why I haven't blogged as much. The new set of lyrics I am working on deals with expectations placed on yourself and the struggle of maintaining self expectation when the world around you has stopped placing them on you. I guess that is part of being an adult and self-motivating. Procrastination does not agree with me and still I find myself doing it all the time. I will get this done tomorrow, I will call that person tomorrow, I will get off the couch and create some other day. Its that seed of laziness that creeps into everyone at some point that I am trying to banish. That is what this song is about. Now it may seem like I am about to put this online for everyone to read but that is not the case. It's not ready yet.


I also just received an email saying that in the fall there is going to be an opportunity for students in the LIU/ABT program (the college program that I procrastinate my way through) to present choreography at a theater on that campus. This is exactly what I need. A deadline to make myself really get this choreography going. I have still not progressed past the 40 seconds that I have done so far and I really don't even like that stuff so much. It might be back to square one for me.

Tonight I am going see some new choreography that I am very excited about. It's a collaboration between Stephen Petronio and Rufus Wainwright. I saw this choreographers work last year and was intrigued by it but this program tonight is the kind of thing that would be MY dream collaboration. An original piece of work by a pop music writer with more artistic flair than all of pop radio combined. Keep your fingers crossed. I will post about it later.

Well it's off to Blaine and Lara's for brunch now! I feel like I have been living uptown this week! Craziness!

P.S. would like to do a little shout out to a new fellow blogger. Of course this site that David is going to be blogging on is MUCH higher profile than my little production here but check it out. Should be developing in the following weeks!
http://www.thewinger.com

The NEW ABT Ad....

So I took this picture a LONG time ago, but I was looking through my album today and came across it again. I took this at our end of City Center Party at Emerald Inn. A truly wild night where the bartender happened to get a hold of one of our shirts we were toting around. One of my favorite pictures I've ever taken.

A Six Feet Under Day...and Some Pictures!

Well its almost been a week since I posted, and I know that all of you are clamoring for more BS to read! As I am sitting here enjoying a little Six Feet Under Marathon. I don't have too much to talk about but the one thing that everyone needs to know is NEVER PICK UP A HITCH HIKER! If you have seen Six Feet you know what I am talking about. It's an incredible show but this season that I am in the middle of is a complete contradiction to the weather outside. It's dark and gloomy while the weather outside is incredible sunny and prompts you to kind of forget about life for a few minutes and just enjoy. Definitely NOT the Fischer family.

Easter has come and gone and my Easter weekend was fairly un-holiday-ish. Took a really long walk the other night for about two hours around the village and Soho and had some of the best people watching experiences in a long time. The juxtaposition from the East side to the West side was kind of startling and funny. On one side you your hipsters and on the other you have a little bridge and tunnel action on a Saturday night. I was amazed at all of the amazing places to eat and was once again reminded of how much I under-utilize this city. Which prompted me to start writing something for the first time in a long while. I have decided that this piece of writing I want to take time to work and rework instead of just writing it and then filing it in my pile of crappy first drafts. I went to a new coffee shop tonight around the corner from me. So nice to have a new huge coffee shop that ISN'T starbucks. And to add to the happiness there was a really hot guy working behind the counter who was being a bit of a flirt. Hmm....might have to become a regular there. Some graffiti for you to enjoy from my walk.


My actual Easter night was spent at Craig's doing a little celebrating and the night was capped off by witnessing a little riot action in Times Square. Our cab stopped on 42nd street as people flooded off of the block in a horde of teenagers running everywhere. Some were laughing while others looked genuinely scared. Cops were everywhere and one had just been beaten up. Makes you realize that even when you gentrify and Disney up Times Square there is no escaping the rowdiness that is magnetized to 42nd Street. I heard there was a stabbing and some gang fighting going on which prompted the closure and lock down of the street for the evening. Kind of unheard of but a nice "welcome to New York" for all of those families leaving "The Lion King." Here is my papparazzi pic of David and Craig from the party....random but I enjoy it. The picture above is a little elevator self portrait by David Long Arms.

INCREDIBLE LYRICS....

Well, I have been a fan of the show "Sunday In The Park With George" since I was about five. I remember vividly my mom giving me the video and soon becoming obsessed. Today I was walking through my neighborhood and this song came on. Stephen Sondheim has such an incredible way of getting to the center of the emotion, stripping it down and putting it into words. If only we could all be so articulate. I understand that for most of you who haven't heard the actual song it might not induce such a strong reaction, but I think that even without the music they lyrics are incredible.
(I have taken a few blog liberties and edited it so it can be read more easily....it is two people singing to each other. But you will get the idea.)

Move on...

Stop worrying where you're going-
Move on.
If you can know where you're going,
You've gone.
Just keep moving on.

I chose, and my world was shaken-
So what?
The choice may have been mistaken,
The choosing was not.
You have to move on.

Look at what you want,
Not at where you are,
Not at what you'll be-
Look at all the things you've done for me:

Opened up my eyes,
Taught me how to see,
Notice every tree-
Understand the light-
Concentrate on now-

I want to move on.
I want to explore the light.
I want to know how to get through,
Through to something new,
Something of my own-
Move on.
Move on.

Stop worrying it your vision
Is new.
Let others make that decision-
They usually do.
You keep moving on.

Look at what you've done
Then at what you want,
Not at where you are,
What you'll be.
Look at all the things
You gave to me.
Let me give to you
Something in return.
I would be so pleased...

Just keep moving on.
Anything you do,
Let it come from you.
Then it will be new.

Give us more to see...

Franzen On My Mind

I just finished reading Johnathan Franzen’s 1996 Harper’s Essay in which he laments the state of America and the American novel. While much of his essay was beyond my level of comprehension, the basic ideas are so poignant and in a way electrifying.

We are living in a culture now where most people don’t even have the time to pick up a novel and get lost in a world that will not only inspire them but also better them in ways that television and cinema cannot. A book forces your mind to create the world which it is describing; exercising your imagination and processing the knowledge in a way that will cement it and prompt other thought. There is a give and take between the written word and the reader; an interaction that is impossible between a screen and the eyes that view it. In our culture we are so used to instant gratification that the stimulation of a good read seems almost lost. Why read a book for a week when you can watch a movie in two hours? Why write your own stories when you are conversing with friends online and can be done with the click of a button as soon as you are bored.

He discusses that for how advanced we are technologically, it is this advancement that in many ways strips away the things that make us human. The ability to process, analyze and argue are things that I for one wish I did more often. I have found myself so many times walking out of movies and being prone to over-analyzation that others just don’t want to take part of. I go excessively in this direction many times, especially when I am attempting to analyze the character development of such movie gems such as “Failure to Launch”. Pointless. But is all of this “pointless” entertainment useless?

Can any artistic sensibilities be nurtured by average television programming? I think most people’s answers would be a resounding no. Then why are we so drawn to it? Yes it is a form of escape and being such an avid movie fan, I love to be able to escape into a visual world just as much as the next person. However, when the average American spends maybe two hours a day with the television at least on in the background, that time could be spent reading. Franzen factually states that in 1945 the average educated American read twenty-five books a year versus the five that the average American reads now. It is now looked at as some “elitist” activity when really it should be incorporated back into everyone’s life. I for one do not read nearly enough, but this essay was such an eye-opener to me I thought I would try to process my thoughts on it by writing. I only wish I could do it justice. Go buy his essay book “How To Be Alone” and see what it sparks in you.

Six Things....

Ok, the rules are, once you've been tagged you have to write a blog with six weird thing/habits about yourself. In the end, you need to find six other people to tag and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment on their page saying "you've been tagged" and tell them to read your blog.

1. Everytime I turn off the shower I have to run my feet underneath the faucet as the water drains off. Its a weird superstition of mine that I for some reason think wards off bad occurrences.

2. Even around my closest friends, sometimes I feel my chest caving in because I get nervous. Not nervous because I am uncomfortable around them but nervous because I worry that things will change and our relationship will be affected. Change freaks me out too much sometimes.

3. Sometimes I will dance around my apartment for abnormal amounts of time. I like to pretend its because I am choreographing, but its really just me being crazy.

4. Whenever there is silence in a conversation I find myself covering it with "what's up?". I don't know Matt, what is up? Did it change from five minutes ago?

5. I tend to naturally react when seeing people with a weird jokey quizzical one-eyebrow lift. Across the studio at barre, when I first see them in the morning, even if I saw them five minutes ago. Its a weird habit that I do without even thinking about it.

6. I walk around the city and visualize how I would film it if I were making a movie. I feel like I am editing my world around me all the time and processing it like it were on screen. Can't really explain that one that well, you would have to be in my head for it.

7. One last one, I enjoy freaking people out with how quickly I can text message....even though its a sad sad talent.

Tagging: Lara, David, Blaine, Jackie, Katie, Jenna. Do it on myspace.

Spontaneous Debauchery

Last night was a night that I know will stick in my memory forever. Since I have lived in New York there have been countless party nights hauling it around the city, but they tend to all blur together and while fun, don't create a very lasting impact. For a while now I have been trying to work on being more spontaneous with my actions and last night was all about the spontaneity. It started with Marcello calling to see if I wanted to hang out, and ended up being a crazy night out taking the city by storm (or so we all thought) with him and David. I experienced gay sub-cultures that I would never have seen otherwise and realized how much stuff there is going on in this city 24/7 that I will never hear or see anything about. Between the gay-Asian bar (gasian) and the leather daddy bar....I have had enough fetishes for a while now, but I haven't danced or laughed like that in so long. What was it about the night that was so great? I can't even pinpoint it; sometimes I really feel like all of the elements align and everything just clicked into place. The world feels like it is at your fingertips and you don't have any cares other than what is going on right then and there. The great thing is that while the alcohol was a definite aid, I know I would have had a blast without it. So often I am clouding my experiences with elements of thought that I need to or should at least try to relax about and when I finally let them go last night I realized how much you can just enjoy being in the present.

I took over 70 pictures to document the night, but this is my favorite one. In the cab on the way to the first bar, just enjoying. It should always be as easy as that.

One more find.....

So again, looking through old shit and found ONE other thing that I actually kind of like. Feel like maybe I could go somewhere with this but not sure. Now, just as exciting as it is to have writing prompt memory, this for me prompts nothing which is equally as sad. How could I have written something and have no idea who it was about?





What If We Were
What I wished we had been?
Would it be better than what’s real?
There’s no way to change it
I have to disengage it
With my emotions,
I fear when I feel.

Ah! The angst ridden youth of my NCSA years. And yet again, another Munch; this time a woodcut. Love this one, it's called "Blossom of Pain". I haven't written anything in so long. Time to get on that again.

OLD Discovery....

I have been working on backing up my computer files and I found this old piece of writing I did about two years ago. Its kind of funny looking at it now and thinking about what prompted this as well as all of my other writing. I love being able to hear a song, read a book, smell something, see anything and the synapses start popping and your memory is there of something you never would have though of otherwise. This is the most "salvagable" of any of the old stuff...not that any of it is much good but I thought I might share it anyways. Really basic rhyming structure, but kind of gets my point across. Funny shit. YIKES sometimes I get SOOOOO dramatic. AHHHHH! Some of it I like okay, some of it I HATE! I always get so OVERLY long in my shit.....I need to trim it all down, cut the fat out of my mind. Also included another of my favorite Munch paintings. Beautiful.


After how many years of failed relationships
You still cannot judge the person standing in front of you
You look at me and all you see is a body
You don’t realize that I may be somebody
That you could have by your side
To help you to guide
Your life to a new level
Help you out of this disheveled
State of being
It’s worth seeing
Learn from your mistakes
And I promise you wont make the wrong decision
I could be a vision
Of the one you wanted
And even if I’m not,
Write my name on the dot-
Ted line
Another person committing the crime
Of being unable to change your mind.

Let me be the one to change you
Let me be the one to rearrange you
Let me show you how great love can be
Just so you can see
That with me you’ll be
Open, Loving and free.
Because I’m wanting so badly
To show you how
Wanting to hold you
Till you say “wow”
This is just what I wanted
A person who loves me
Just what I wanted
Somebody who cares
Till you say wow
This is just such a comfort
I’ve been caught unaware
Of just how much I care
And you better beware
Because people can change.

I’ve lived here for years now
And we’ve grown so close
I have seen all of the boyfriends
As they come and they go
While some were so nice,
They didn’t last long
Because none of your relationships
Were you able to prolong.
Give us a new life
Prolong it till the end
Because you and I both know
That we are much more than just friends.
I’ve dealt with this in my mind
Since the day I first met you
I can see that there is something inside you as well
That is wondering what would happen
If we took the chance and fell.
So if we do,
Who cares?
We would have given it our best shot
But don’t deny me the love that we have for each other
Just on the off chance it might not end up that well.

I’ve been sitting on the sidelines
For much longer than I wish I had
I should have spoken up long ago
And risked being extremely sad
Because even though I love you like this
And I always will
There is another part of our relationship that I want to fulfill.
Let me be the one to change you,
Let me be the one to rearrange you
Let me in like you want to
If we get hurt,
We’ll do it together
But don’t keep pushing me away,
Because you wont find anything better.

The Modern Life of the Soul.

It was visit number two for me today to Moma since I got my membership for Xmas. I suddenly got in a mood to go and look at some art, random, and decided I would spend the afternoon back in the Edward Munch Special Exhibit because I didn't feel like got enough time with it the first go around.

When I viewed this painter's amazing work the first time, I went in with virtually no idea what he was about, what his style was or even really what time period he worked during. I knew "The Scream" but mainly from pop-culture parodies, not associated with Munch himself. What is startling about the work of this painter is the vastness of emotion that he encompasses. Throughout the exhibit the viewer is reminded about biographical anecdotes about the painter. He is said to have been a troubled man who struggled with the idea of the human soul and its ultimate decay. He has a whole order to the life cycle and so much of that is visible in his work. Some of the most stunning painting are in the form of self portraits where in each one the painter almost looks like a different person depending on the tone and mood of the time.

When I first went, I was reminded a lot of Monet and Seurat, both artists from simlilar time periods who I admire, but Munch takes aspects of both of them and brings to them such different emotion. Many of his paintings exist with various figures, sometimes a mix between painting and sketching, and often overwhelmingly undefined. There are many people who's faces are almost blurs, or just eyes with a sort of aura around them. However, even through the lack of phsyical definition so much is rendered with the use of color, posture, and placement. Some of his use of tension in the foreground and the ideas of desire, desolation, desperation and death are breathtaking. Ah the "D's".

My favorite of his works both times going through the exhibit were his etchings, woodcuts, and sketches. Stripped down from the grandness and color of his bigger works, you are left with each painting being a portrait of the soul of this incredible painter.

The picture is one of my favorites of his; a second version of his Madonna. Go to MOMA before May 9th to see this!

Nauseating Nostalgia

After taking a long break from musical theater, I finally had the chance to catch up on some shows that have opened while I am off from work this week. When we got back from Chicago I was very excited because a slew of shows had begun previews within the past week and several of them were being touted as the big musicals of the season. While I await a few people to become available so I can get to what I REALLY want to see (Threepenny Opera) I decided I would go for big broad musical comedy with a double dose of "The Drowsy Chaperone" and "The Wedding Singer".

I could not have been more disappointed in both of them. I will start with the first, "The Drowsy Chaperone". Everywhere I had been reading this show was being heralded as a "completely original musical" meaning it wasn't based on any source material. With the recent popularization of movie's and song catalogue's being turned into crappy pop art, it seems miraculous that a show could be from someone's own imagination. That should be red flag enough for us to know that the art of the musical is in rapid decline as any emerging composer has yet to have a substantial amount of new material be produced on commercial Broadway. Nothing this season has even come close to touching "Light In The Piazza" in my eyes, which still stands as one of the most beautiful shows I have ever seen.

But back to "Drowsy". Despite a hugely talented cast, the show had me checking my watch and rolling my eyes from the very beginning. In the program beforehand I had read about how the creators wanted to take us back to a time where musicals were in a sense just frivolous fun. They even state that so many of the classic composers (Gershwin's, etc) don't get revived because the shows their songs are built around are so ludicrous plot wise. So why then are we getting a NEW musical that is just a stylized rendition of some crap from that time period? Songs pop out of nowhere, the plot is paper-thin, and this show within a show plot is oddly tired. The main character who is taking the audience on the journey (via his phonograph in his modern apartment) is relatable for someone like me who has a passion for being transported to another world by musical theater. But this world that we are taken to is somewhere I desperately wanted to escape.

The cast was incredible, but the material was in no way up to their level. Sutton Foster seems under-used, Beth Leavel has a show stopping number (which harks back more to the 40's than the 20's....Whoops) and the rest of the cast manages to make a little out of two dimensional characters. I understand that it is supposed to be just enjoyable, and the audience around me was eating it up, but I would rather watch Sondheim any day than another show that is wink-winking to musical theater in-jokes. Enough already. If this wins Best Musical as everyone is claiming it will, it will be another major awards ceremony where something completely undeserving takes the cake because it panders to the status-quo. When is someone going to come in and shake things up a bit?

Things definitely shake a TON at "The Wedding Singer" but it was yet another evening that I would have rather done without. The show starts and immediately you realize that there isn't really a script, instead a lot of wink-winking at 80's in jokes. The songs derive from all 80's pop music but instead of emulating the best of the crop they seem just like has-been hits that wont show up on anyone's "best of the 80's" compilation. This show is so obviously trying to be a never ending showstopper ala "Hairspray" but there were so many jokes that just don't land, and songs that get you riled up but mainly just because the sound system is so fucking loud, not due to any actual humor or excitement. The one redeeming part of the 80's flashback was the extremely entertaining and well executed choreography by Rob Ashford. This cast seems even more talented than most choruses I have seen lately and at least they get to dance A LOT or else this show would constantly be stumbling on itself.

The leads were enjoyable, even though you don't really get into the relationship between Robbie and Julia. From the very beginning, and not just because everyone has seen the movie, you know EXACTLY what is going to happen so you basically just don't care. Laura Benanti sounds incredible, but with such amateurish lyrics to sing I found myself almost stunned wondering if Margo Lion had just passed this off to her ten year old sun to write. I doubt there were even many words above two syllables thrown in there.

Overall two evenings in a row that just left me wondering "where, what, why, when and how". Where have the good shows gone? What the hell is this crap? Why are audiences giving enough demand to keep this dreck coming? When will Adam Guettel have a new show? And how has musical theater come to this?

Sprinter (Spring-Winter) In NYC

So today its snowed. A lot. The most it has since the blizzard. Ewww. Like my brain seems to be functioning right now, the weather can't decide if its time to change seasons or not! But here is a pic I took while walking home from the Village yesterday.

Choreography Day #1

So I began the journey into new artistic territory yesterday when I stepped into the studio with Blaine to begin choreographing my first piece. I guess this can't officially be my first work, seeing I was doing Star Wars ballets in my basement by the time I was 10. But you know those Montana audiences, so fickle, I won't even put it on my resume.

I had gone in with a slight idea of what I wanted to do, but just like when I first began teaching class (also in Montana) I didn't really know how to assert myself or even what I would be like in the studio. It is much different dancing around your apartment with Vivaldi pumping and movement just running through your head rather than having to actually instruct someone else on those ideas. Blaine was amazing, and game for it even as I continuously apologized. I, like in my writing, quickly saw that I need to stop apologizing anytime I am not just throwing something out there. I will have times especially at the beginning where I need to struggle through it. All in all I managed to get about forty seconds done. Not a huge accomplishment but its a start. I am not exactly elated about what I have so far but I can always go back and change it. I am working on a duet that I am attempting to have reflect the push and pull of a relationship. It is with two men, so it could be taken as friendship, lovers, or strangers. Physically I am trying to work with magnetism towards each other versus repelling away from each other. Mapping that out in the space is a challenge and I don't want to get too repetitive with it.

One of the hardest things for me on this first day was trying to figure out transitions. I have constantly found that the difference between good choreography and great choreography is in the transitions from step to step. It is such a challenge to not look like a game of connect the dots, but instead like it all just came out in one stroke.

The music I have picked so far is three Vivaldi pieces. All very short in length and this male duet will fit somewhere in the middle. Frantic music (for lack of a better description) seems to prompt frantic choreography. I need to learn how to let it breathe through the music and not feel the need to Mark Morris it by transposing the score into movement. Not every note needs to have a movement. Will this ever end up coming together? Only time will tell.....
I'll keep ya posted.

Blog worth noting.....

So I had read about this in Time Out NY a while back, but just stumbled on it again and though maybe some of you would be interested. Its this female cab driver in NYC's blog just about nothing and everything that she ecounters during her shifts. Kind of fun if you are bored.
http://newyorkhack.blogspot.com

Three Movies To Watch This Week....

So I am sitting here staring at my DVD collection and have decided to post my first "three movies to watch" recomendations for people that really don't care. Ah, the things boredom will do to you.

1. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Perhaps my favorite movie musical. Incredible story. Incredible performances. Incredible Songs. If you haven't seen this then I highly suggest you rent it, or come borrow one of my two copies (have no idea why I have two).

2. Brokeback Mountain
I know, how typical right? Well I am STILL not over my anger that this lost Best Picture, but it comes out on DVD tomorrow so everyone needs to show the love and see it. I understand that a lot of people didn't like it the first time, but the second time is SO much better. I just connected to the charcters so much more, the silence and bareness of it wasn't as strange as it first seemed and you realize what an amazing job Ang Lee did with every single detail of this movie.

3. Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
Had to throw something stupid and fun in here. This is one my FAVORITE MOVIES to watch whenever I need a little pick me up. Did anyone watch the sequel on ABC Family? Don't worry, I didn't either.

No Place Like Home....

Well it has been a hellish 48 hours but I am finally back home, safe and sound in my New York apartment! Chicago seems like a blur now, even having just left it and this week off is something that I think EVERYONE in the company has been dying to pounce on. After getting over being sick the first four days in Chicago, I am finally feeling a lot better even after the complete incompetence of Mother Nature in helping us get back to the city.

CANCELLED. That was the status of the company flight out of Chicago last night, although of course we found out after we had already checked into the airport. Travel takes it out of everyone and all of the dancers last night couldnt help but be happy for the fact that we get treated like babies and had all of the rescheduling taken care of for us. We just sat around, some playing hacky-sack, some goofing off with camera's and counted the minutes till we could get to the hotel bar. We were strategically placed right by the "Rescheduling Assistance" line that grew longer and longer as the rain pounded down the flights from the sky. The faces were drooping, and compared to our dancer physique's it seemed more almost like a line up of American obesity than people just waiting to get home. How is it that our country has let itself go so much? Families of overweight parents and children that stuff Cinnabon's into their mouths like a dog awaiting mealtime. There is a time when you just have to say STOP....to American excess of all kinds. Of course I say that as I sit here typing on my computer, blasting music from my ipod, and texting people on my cell phone. Yet again looks like I should take my own advice to heart.

As David pointed out, it is hard to remember that Chicago is in ILLINOIS and that its not all liberals accepting our group of gay dancers. We pranced up to McDonald's though and lauged our asses off at the shocked and confused faces who were staring. Seems like every time I leave town I have some weird encounter with homophobia. Guess it's just keeping me in check of what our country is like.

So on keeping true to the promise of the title of my blog, let me go in ANOTHER random direction now. This week is NOT going to be another wasted week off for me. I need to make sure I accomplish all of the goals I set out to do. I am going to work on the choreography that has been brewing in my head for some time. I have been fortunate enough to enlist Blaine into being my guinea pig but I am really timid and nervous about getting into the studio tomorrow. It's different putting myself on paper when I write poetry or lyrics, but its quite another being in a blank room with another set of eyes ready to be fed the choreography. I have been getting irritated by the fact that I can't seem to get the actual physical dancing out of my head sometimes. I can visualize it but I just never can translate it. Gets lost in there somewhere, gotta dig it out. The Vivaldi that I have picked though is really sparking me, I just hope I can do it some sort of justice.

Yesterday before leaving Chicago I went and saw the final piece in Hubbard Streets program called "Minus 16" and it reminded me why I liked dance so much. In one section of the piece, dancers improvised to voice overs of themselves discussing what it felt like for them to dance, among other things and I realize that I have lost that a little bit. So much of the joy seems to get taken out of dancing when you join a big company working as a piece of the machine almost. This piece was explosive (for lack of a better word) and I had chills within the first five minutes of it. Unforgettable. Ironic now that "Do You Want to Dance" is playing on my stereo now. I do. Sometimes I just forget it.

The Bloggish Beginning

So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls....I have decided to venture into a new blog territory. Far away from the people and perils of MySpace, into uncharted waters. Mainly excited that I can do some shit with pictures to add along to the ranting about my life and the goings on around me. Hope it is somewhat enjoyable for someone, but you know what? If it's not...so be it, I am letting my thoughts out there.