A few more before the Swans dive in.....

Just thought I would share a couple more pictures that I have taken over the past week before "Swan Lake" comes to an end tomorrow night. Seeing as Met is winding down this will probably be the last few weeks of intense amounts of ballet pictures. Here is one that I took that I think adequately captures the insanity going on behind the curtain once "places" has been called.

And yet another picture of the fabulous girls from this gawker in the wings (no pun intended).

Tonight as I stood watching the show (both onstage in act 1 and 3 and offstage in act 2) I was astonished at the beauty of Tchaikovsky's score. There is no other ballet in our rep that I can listen to every single night and get chills from as I stand there. Especially for a ballet that in many ways is as overplayed (okay not QUITE as much) as the Nutcracker. From the solitude and longing of the second act to the fervor and passion of the third and fourth it is really just astounding. Hearing it swell as it is being played by our great orchestra feels like watching the sun rise and set. So as much as the girls are ready to say farewell I will keep enjoying this score....at least for the next 24 hours.

The Peculiarities of Facebook

With all of the Internet technology developing recently, keeping people linked to their pasts is becoming easier and easier. I am sure that everyone here knows about My Space and most of you know about Facebook. If you don't then I will sum it up. Basically it is a way for people who go to school to network with everyone at their school. Along with that you can collect other friends profiles at other schools. Some you know, some you don't. Some people that you would never really speak to in life, others that you talk to all the time.

Being a ballet dancer means that the majority of people I am in contact with all the time are not enrolled in school. However thanks to the ABT/LIU program that was started this past year I am able to not only collect college credit but join Facebook as well! Hooray! (Please note slight sarcasm). What it is slowly starting to act as is a reminder of how disconnected I am from the people I went to school with as a child. I look through their profiles and see pictures of them attending college or spending time in Montana for the summer and am amazed at how many of them still keep in touch with one another. I haven't seen any of these people in person or even had the desire to see most of them since I left my 8th Grade Graduation. Yet there they are with their strings of inside jokes and pictures at college parties. It is a strange reminder of how different the life of a professional ballet dancer is. Not better or worse just different. Its also strange having the capability to be a voyeur into the lives of people who I would still be around had I never left home. Had my life gone in any "normal" way I would be in this very pictures I speak of.

Growing up I always had a small group of friends and was mainly just friendly with the rest of the people I was involved with. I had a group of guys that I hung out with (feigning an interest in football but never hunting....which is where I drew the line of fake hobbies) and they all still are apparently bumming around together.

For me middle school was a jumping off point and all of my substantial relationships developed either before with childhood friends or after at high school and beyond. Did I just never take Grade and Middle School seriously? Or was it that although accepted I never felt like I fit in? Even at that age did I just realize that I wasn't really planning on sticking around too much longer and therefore didn't bother? Since I was a kid I have always said I was going to end up in New York however I never dreamed I would have been half as fortunate as I have been. Dreams don't always become reality. Ah the cliches are coming out on Thursday night!

I often wonder if you put the group of guys I hung out with and I in a room together now whether or not we would really have anything to talk about. One thing I noticed is that the majority of them seem to have pictures on Facebook of hunting. Guns never really went well with what I was wearing. Also the fact that they have never really had any interest in the arts would be a major tipping point as it always has been.

Maybe one day that reunion will actually come. Until then....I'll just rant.

To the Ladies of the Lake.....

I just want to take a moment (a little longer this time) to applaud the women of the corps of ABT. I have watched three consecutive performances now of Act Two and it got better every time. For a ballet notorious for killing the girls bodies I noticed little if any fatigue as I stood peering out of the stage left wings.

Normally when fellow dancers watch in the wings you almost always catch at least one person whispering or giggling to themselves. Not that we are really misbehaving but there will be the occasional glance offstage or deep sigh trying to breath some life into these tired bodies of ours. The girls didn't have one eyeball out of place. As a male dancer I have never had to deal with a true test of corps stamina in the classical sense. There is nothing equal to "Swan Lake", "Giselle" or "La Bayadere". As much as the boys like to think that five minutes standing on the side of the stage during Vision Scene in "Raymonda" makes us understand the girls pain....let's be honest, it doesn't.

(Anne makes some Swan love to the Camera)

If it wasn't for the glistening sweat beading on the girls backs I wouldn't ever know that they were working their hardest. They jump with such ease and stay in lines like its second nature. Eyes darting back and forth checking forward and sideways fly under the radar with such swiftness that the audience would never know. It's almost like they emit a sort of silent call, an understanding, that helps them flock like birds in the sky. Standing observing tonight I just kept laughing at how much better the girls are at staying in lines than the guys. Even the simplest formations seem to give us problems. We have a lot to learn.

(Marian, who is celebrating a birthday today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!), takes a minute to demonstrate a signature pose)

The minute they walk out onto the stage there is focus and intent even when just standing on the side. They are committed to the bigger picture and to doing whatever they can to make it better. During third act I struggle with standing in one place for 30 minutes and I'm allowed to move! I can let my arms go freely, turn my head, and I don't have to worry about any type of formation. Yet I still find my mind racing and panicking at moments. Finding the ability to be present at all times is such a struggle and its during the down moments on stage that I think everyone has the hardest time. We aren't trained at school how to stay connected when we aren't part of the action.

Some nights the dancing keeps my attention more than others. I will look around and just out of plain old fatigue the dancers lining the sides eyes will start to glaze over. That was not the case the other night with Gillian Murphy. It is such a rush to see people that you look up to developing before your eyes. Every choice she made the other night, whether it be in her phrasing or the focus of her eyes was so dead on. She took a different path with some of it than I had ever seen before and by catching me so off guard she really impressed me. To take something that everyone has seen hundreds of times and infuse it like it has just been choreographed happens so rarely. It was a great performance.

(A blurry Gillian Murphy guards her ladies)

From the first year corps members just getting their wings to the dancers who have been flapping them for years, these three shows were proof (I say that like we needed proof) of just how talented the women of ABT are.

The Swans Have Come...

Okay, its 11:30, I am exhausted and my dad is coming into town tomorrow. Needless to say I can't spend too much time blogging. I will say this though, and expand on it in a future blog; the girls of ABT Corps were stunning tonight as I watched Act Two of the ballet from the wings. Here is just a little taste of pictures I took tonight. I will put up more soon!

Songs YOU need to download. 6/26/06

So its been a while since I have demanded that my readers download some music and I think its time I change that. Of course I use the word demand lightly, I merely SUGGEST that if you want, then you should. Here is what songs are consuming my iPod time backstage at the theater these days. And they just might make you Flashdance like Blaine is in the picture!

"Maneater"-Nelly Furtado
"Say It Right"-Nelly Furtado
Both of those are upbeat club-y songs that are bound to put you in a good mood. So Furtado totally sacrificed most of her integrity with this new CD and it sounds like Gwen-ish pop....but hey I don't mind TOO much.

"Crystal Ball"-Keane
"Broken Toy"-Keane
My favorite songs so far from their new CD.

"Apres Moi"-Regina Spektor
"Hotel Song"-Regina Spektor
"That Time"-Regina Spektor
Regina Spektor is one of those artists that people have been telling me about forever. Well I now officially love her. Kind of a mix between Bjork, Nellie McKay, and Fiona Apple, she has some incredible offbeat lyrics and a really distinct sound. HIGHLY recommended.

"The Man That Got Away"-Judy Garland (live at Carnegie Hall recording)
After seeing Rufus do this concert I have started listening to the original. This version is a stunning version of an incredible song. The emotion in both her and the orchestra is just something you don't hear anymore. Had to throw a classic into the mix.

The Avalanche

Was just looking around online today and found a stream of the new Sufjan Stevens album. This CD is basically just outtakes from his "Illinoise" album but I am eagerly anticipating it nonetheless. Sufjan is by far my favorite artist that I have gotten into within the past couple of years. He is a folk singer who's scope is a little overwhelming. Not only the scope in the actual music he creates which I discover new things in with every listen but the scope of his ambition. He has set out on a project known as "The 50 State Project" which includes him creating a CD for each state. So far he only has two out, but they are both amazing albums. So if you have a few minutes give this stream a listen....It's different but I have been known to convert people into fans of him before so I will keep trying!
Sufjan Stream!!!!

Sunday in the LES....

Today I awoke in a slightly delirious state. I saw the sun rising before I went to bed which has a special way of throwing off your equilibrium for the whole day. While I could have stayed in bed all day David persuaded me to get out and go have brunch in the Lower East Side.

Over the past year this has become one of my favorite places to hang out and I don't do nearly enough of it. Within New York there are so many different areas, each with something different to offer but to me the Lower East Side is so unique. I love walking around and seeing all of the abandoned buildings and the whole area in this transitional state. There are the people walking around who have lived there all of their life and have witnessed the changes as they progress. In a place like Chinatown you see people walking around who have every business and their whole life within a ten block radius, essentially they could never leave that area and have more than enough to survive. That's probably true of any NY neighborhood but we are all spoiled and want to see the world.

As I travel around the city and the world I sometimes don't stop and think about how fortunate I am to have all of these opportunities to visit different cultures. Even in New York there is such a melting pot of cultures, one that most people in the country never get to see. The LES really exemplifies this idea to me. That has always been its place from the time New York began with the tenements being a low income housing option for immigrants and I am sure that is what initiated it as such an eclectic area. You realize though how difficult it is to maintain that eclecticism in the burgeoning world of corporate America. I don't want this to sound like some weird rant about chain stores and commercial products because I use them just as much as the next person, but it really does feel special to find independent restaurants and stores thriving.

Today as we sat in the restaurant on the corner looking out at all of the businesses with Chinese lettering on their storefronts something about it just felt so neighborhood-y. The world cup was being viewed by cheering locals who had gathered with their friends and families on a overcast Sunday afternoon. I didn't feel like I was in New York. When everyone is constantly running to the next place, or on the subway rushing to your job, I kind of forget that stopping and taking it all in is okay.

That's exactly what we did though after lunch as we headed aimlessly through the Village. We ended up in Tompkins Square park and sat on park benches trying to think of goals for the next year. That's a fairly loaded question but I know for sure that it includes more days like this (without the delirious fatigue of course!).

We Are the Beggars!

Last night was the final show of "Manon" and while for me it was fairly rough dance wise, it was a blast even so. With a part like beggars, you get to improv and mess around with all of the other people on stage for the majority of the first act. When it comes to the end of the week, doing a part like that usually means its going to be NUTS the last night. Well, it certainly was. Most of all was our frightening make-up which our resident make up guru Tom provided for most of us. Blood, sores, dirt, the whole spectrum of beggar-dom was living on our faces. As Susie, our wig-guru, pointed out....it seems strange that non of us have any dirt or anything on our legs at all...Oops.

Above is a picture of my partner in crime Anne Milewski and I. As the whores come of the boat in the third act the girls do an amazing job at acting completely sick and on the verge of dying. For those of us standing on the sides and having to keep a straight face it is difficult to do so when the girl you are taking care of is a limp noodle in your arms who goes on to die right on the stage. Anne miraculously came back to life last night as the tears of laughter streamed down my cheeks. Incredible. Unprofessional on my part, but incredible. She started pulling her hair out and showing it to me and with that I knew I would have to get a restraining order against her. She just makes me laugh too much.

Mr. Bocca's Farewell

I have never seen the company like I have seen the company tonight. From the intense focus during the performance and the silent viewing from the wings by all to the joyous screaming and clapping of the curtain calls; it was a night to remember. Of course the event as most everyone (including my cab driver to the Met today) knows was Julio Bocca's farewell to ABT.

People packed the wings as the performance progressed trying to grab a last look at the legend that has been dancing in this company for 20 years. It's a little mind blowing to think that since I was born this incredible artist has been thrilling New York audiences with his dramatic dancing and comedic charm. All of that was on display tonight. "Manon" is one of the most dramatic ballets I have ever seen and as Julio cried over Alessandra's body as the curtain came down it was a much more emotional impact than usual. After the curtain went down the two of them stayed on the floor for a minute and cradled each other obviously relishing the final moments of their partnership together. I cannot even begin to imagine the emotions that had to have been flooding through both of them.

The audience response was thunderous to say the least. They had remained fairly subdued during the show but as the curtain came up the flashes began and the chanting didn't stop for about twenty minutes. As former partners, fellow dancers, and friends came and threw flowers at his feet (or his head) the audience never stopped screaming. If anything they just grew wilder. People starting screaming his name, throwing things (including a flag) and chanting for him to keep bowing. At one point he requested a beer and his dresser came carrying it to him. There he stood center stage of the Met, the legend that he is, drinking a beer in front of 3,500 people. Just a small example of his sense of humor.

Company members stayed on the stage for about thirty minutes continuously clapping and taking pictures. As the audience cleared out we all stood in silent anticipation waiting for Julio's parting words. They were brief but poignant. He showed how much love he has for this company and the people that have made this company what it was. He acknowledged the people who have been here since he has and the people who have just come in. He told us to put our heart on the stage for the audience to see and to enjoy it. My cab driver today asked me what kind of guy Julio was and whether he was nice or not. Without hesitation I said that he is the nicest most genuine guy and extremely humble. Both approachable in life and untouchable in his art . I feel so fortunate to have stood on the same stage as him.

Collaboration!

Ever since I was a young child my best friend Michael and I have been collaborating on everything. First it started as bizarre performances in the basement of my house. When we grew too old for that we started making movies together. Thrown in with those two strange examples we began writing musicals. First there was a strange time travel piece called "Time Capsule" in which we refused to accept that what we had titled our show was not, in fact, a time travel device but instead a box you stick in the ground. We stuck to our definition and refused to change it but in the end abandoned "Time Capsule" just as you would abandon one in the ground. We were about twelve at the time.

Our next project was a sort of homage to the flop musical version of Stephen King's "Carrie". We thought, why not take on Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho" and turn it into a big Broadway musical. Well that idea proved to be more difficult than we had expected and was abandoned shortly after it was started. Writing music for a murderous shower scene could only be handled in a literal way by a pair of thirteen year olds. We still do have a couple of those songs lurking around somewhere though and they provide constant laughs whenever we stumble on them in my garage.

Perhaps our biggest accomplishment (this was Montana I will remind you) was in 8th grade when we wrote a show called "Myth". This was a sort of "Into the Woods" using Greek mythology and intricately (or so I thought) weaving the stories of all of the Greek Gods and goddesses into one giant soap opera. If my memory serves me right it had to do with Prometheus giving the mortals the power of light and the insanity that ensued. I remember some strange climactic scene in the underworld which I am sure made absolutely no sense. This show was my 8th grade project for my English class. Michael and I went to separate schools so I handed in my 50 page script, costume and set sketches, mock playbill and demo tape to my republican teacher at my republican school. Hellgate Middle School. Seriously. While other kids handed in Mount Olympus Popsicle Stick replicas, I had slaved over this for months. My teacher politely handed it back to me (probably screaming "GAY! GAY! GAY!" in her head) with an "A" slapped on it and something to the effect of "nice effort". Real words of encouragement. Yes I am still bitter.

At Michael's more democratic school, Washington Middle School, not only were the arts more celebrated but we even got our first public performance out of this show. During a choir concert Michael played the piano and our friend Maggie performed the most coherent song from the show called "Warmth and Light". I will never forget sitting in the back row of that church and hearing our collaboration performed for an audience of open ears. That was really the first time I had created a part of something and had carried it through to fruition. I needed this, I needed to write or perform and this show was one of the catalysts for me.

As a twenty year old in a ballet company corps there are many days where I don't feel artistically fulfilled. I work my hardest to bring characterization to some of the minor roles I do but often I question whether or not I really deserve the title of "artist". I want to own that title but I just don't feel like I do yet. For me the most I ever feel like that is when I am writing or working on choreography, you know, really really creating something. I love the chance to delve into a piece that has been choreographed and getting the chance to project your own thoughts and ideas onto that but nothing compares to it all coming from your head.

I have my moments of Claire Fischer-ness (yes "Six Feet Under" is back) where I doubt myself and wonder if I will ever really be able to create and thrive in this difficult profession I have chosen as a career. For me having outlets like writing really keep me sane. I am so happy to say that Michael and I are collaborating on something again. A couple months ago I wrote a poem called "Wonder Boy" which I had created with Michael's music in mind. This week he has started writing music to it and I couldn't be more excited. He basically taught himself how to play the piano as a child but has such an amazing gift for it I feel completely spoiled to have someone write such beautiful music to my fairly mediocre lyrics. I am happier with these lyrics than I have been with stuff of mine in the past. I just want them to do Michael's music justice. I hope that over the summer we can complete something and I will post it online somewhere if I can. It just feels good to collaborate again. Even if we are thousands of miles apart.
"Wonder Boy"

The Many Faces of Matty "Manon" Murphy...

Well "Manon" is halfway done now and I think everyone is pretty exhausted. It's a very long ballet and as these pictures show, extremely costume heavy. Everyone is changing about 2 or 3 times a show. Wigs, makeup, costume. The whole thing. Here are a few of my happy faces of "Manon". Above is me as a beggar....mmmm dirty!

Here I am as a soldier. Type casting huh? Send me to the front lines. Actually please please don't.
And finally....

As a clown! No, just kidding. Actually I'm a syphilis infected client of a whore house. No, really. Happy ballet this one is.

A Peek at Manon. (Kinda starring Adrienne....Again).

Since I wasn't on tonight for our opening of "Manon" I thought I would play company photographer! I did my best to capture the moments behind the curtain of Acts One and Two.

Tonight's show was nothing short of spectacular as Julio and Alessandra danced their second to last show together. I stood in the wings that were packed with other company members to witness the epitome of expressive and honest emotional dancing. As a pair these two just look at each other and you feel the energy even in the smallest exchange. Standing so close in the wings and watching the incredible focus that they both have not only with each other but with the entire company is inspiring to say the least.

(Adrienne and Jackie before Act One)

(Jeff gives the camera some love as a lowly beggar)

(As does Mr. Jared Matthews)
"Manon" is probably best known for its pas de deux's and the reception that they garnered tonight was amazing. After the bedroom pas the audience continued to applaud for the entire scene afterwards. I turned to Marcelo in the wings and we both just kind of melted at how beautiful they were dancing. I know I have said this before but after tonight I REALLY cannot fathom what Thursday is going to be like! Enjoy the pictures! Some of them are blurry but I wanted to try to catch a few of Alessandra and Julio.

(Adrienne's head almost falls off as I get wrapped up in her love)

(But she puts it back on in time for her and Marcelo to give the camera some sass)

(A final blurry shot of Alessandra and Julio in Act Two).

The Final Week of A Legend.

Having been in the company now for three years, I have had the opportunity to witness some of the most amazing dancing imaginable. Some of my most enjoyable memories being in the company have been standing on stage with legends like the principal dancers of American Ballet Theatre. I will never forget my first moment on stage doing Warriors in "La Bayadere". I walked out onto the Met carrying a staff and all I had to do was bow. Immediately I was overwhelmed by the cavernous space filled with people but even more so by the fact that Jose Carreno was standing a mere two feet away from me. I realize that it isn't exactly "cool" to get star struck in the company, but there are moments where I think all of the dancers have to pinch themselves just to make sure its real.

Those moments have been coming very frequently lately as Julio Bocca enters his last week as a principal dancer. Since I have been in the company Julio hasn't been touring with us much but the shows that I have been able to watch were incredible. The artistry and passion that flows out of him at every moment is overwhelming. On top of that he is an incredible person and has been nothing but kind during any interactions I have had with him. As we sat in the basement of the Met the other day rehearsing "Manon" I watched as the entire company became enraptured by his rehearsal with Alessandra Ferri.

Usually in rehearsal there are slight murmurs going on as the girls sew points shoes, people stretch, or talk about choreography. The minute that Alessandra and Julio stood up to dance everyone else sat on the floor in awe as they rehearsed. Pas de deux after pas de deux the company froze to watch these legends show us the epitome of art on a Thursday afternoon in the Met. This wasn't a performance but the feeling was there, intensity between these two artists who have grown together through the years. I cannot imagine the feelings that must be flooding through the two of them as Julio's final performance creeps up. All I know is that he will be missed. As they finished their pas' the other day the entire company cheered and applauded like it was a performance. Even when they were ready to move on, the company still kept applauding. It was such a special moment.

I will be forever sorry that I missed the special moment I am going to talk about next. Even though I was not there to witness it I get chills just thinking about it. Last night was Julio's last "Giselle" and at the end of the ballet he managed to bring the entire corps of girls to tears. Usually at the end of "Giselle" the curtain comes down on Albrecht at the foot of Giselle's grave. Last night however Julio stood at the foot of the grave, carefully removed his ballet slippers and laid them at the foot of the grave. Then only in tights, he slowly backed away from the grave, looked up towards the lights and turned and walked off as the curtain came down. Bidding farewell to Giselle in his own special way. I am almost brought to tears just typing this and I wasn't even there! As Stella relayed the story to me during class this morning I found myself covered in goosebumps. I can only imagine what his final show next Thursday will be like.

A Picnic with Rufus, Judy and Britney.

Just two nights ago I was fortunate enough to attend one of the greatest things I have seen since being in New York. I got to witness Rufus Wainwright do something extraordinary by recreating Judy Garland’s 1961 Carnegie Hall Concert.

Now to clarify for everyone, this original concert is something that people refer to as “the greatest night in show business” and basically it cemented Garland in her legend status of today. It had a 40-piece orchestra and was 26 songs worth of standards. For anyone to attempt recreating something like that is daring to say the least. I had my doubts about Wainwright even though he is one of my favorite singers. I had only seen him do his own stuff before with which he has a tendency to slur things but for his moody operatic pop it seems to work. I was concerned that he would either butcher it completely or it would be electric.

Well the minute I got to the theater I knew that it would be the latter. Outside of Carnegie Hall it was as if everyone in New York was flocking to Gay Mecca. I don’t think I have ever seen so many gay men in one place. David and I were some of the younger ones and came in mainly as Rufus Fans, not everyone though. The man a few rows in front of us had a massive knowledge of the original recording and managed to reach his hands to the heavens in a sort of jubilant/ hallelujah move every time the drums did some flourish. It proved to be an interesting distraction and he represented the most die-hard of Judy devotees who would be scrutinizing this concert under a microscope. From the insane audience response after almost every song at the sold out Carnegie Hall I would say that Rufus succeeded . His voice kind of just cuts through everything almost horn like in its beauty and for these old standards it was an interesting modern interpretation. It’s interesting sitting here listening to the original now and just realizing the difference in pop music of today and pop music of the past. These standards have this complex innocence in their lyrics but are so poignant and timeless at the same time.

Poignant is not a word however that can be used to describe Britney Spears. A complete juxtaposition to the downfall of Judy Garland, the downfall of Britney Spears cannot be viewed as the falling of artistic greatness. Nowhere was that more evident than on Britney Spears’ “Dateline” Exclusive that greeted me when I arrived home from the concert.

Seemingly brainless and without any fashion sense, Spears came across as stupider than she was when she emerged on the music scene. Now she not only has a slew of number one hits, she has a child and another on the way at the age of 24. She sat with her boobs falling out (bra partially showing), chomping gum and spouting such wisdom as “Funny people are great, I love funny people. They’re, like, hilarious.” Um….excuse me? What? On top of that she didn't even know how many months pregnant she is. When asked she paused, looked up and said "Ummmm....6...7 months? I dunno." Oh. My. God.

Of course Garland lived in a different time without the intensity of the paparazzi. Maybe it’s the visual documentation of Spear’s insanity bombarding us, but somehow Garlands insanity seemed poetic while Spears’ seems pathetic. If, as Britney claims, she is going crazy from the paparazzi then how unfortunate! It’s much more fun to be an insane artist than an insane hick walking into the public bathroom barefoot just for no reason! I feel like I am on some parental rant ala “they just don’t make them like they used to” but I feel like this was just such a clear example of that. Idols of today have NOTHING compared to idols like Judy Garland.

I think that is why I admired Rufus’ idea so much; taking a risk to pay homage to a past idol. You would never see this being done by any Beyonce or Christina type. Wainwright may not ever be on Judy Garland’s level but it seems these days the huge stars (Britney) are not going to be of any artistic value like Garland. Even the idea of a pop song written these days that would require artistic interpretation seems unheard of. It was nice to see someone taking risk on merging the art of the past with the art of today.


Okay enough mindless ranting for now….

Giselle Last Night.

Giselle is notoriously easy on the guys and we are (rightfully) reminded of it every Met Season. It always seems to be kind of a battle between the guys and girls to prove to the other that they have it harder. The boys won for Petrouchka but the girls have us beat in most every other ballet. They work so hard and so the only way the boys can help is to support. So last night I watched the legendary second act of Giselle. The girls looked great and in my admiration I took a couple of shots of them dancing!

We Have Found the Pumpkin Patch.

So Giselle has struck the company but that didn't stop David and I from having a little fun with last weeks ballet. So maybe we were a little bored tonight or maybe the child in us just took hold but we couldn't resist the temptation of the pumpkin. No it wasn't in flight this time but hope you like the pictures!

Firework (rough #1)

Writing has always been theraputic for me. Sometimes I take a grain of truth from my life and then magnify it and put the emotion of it onto a different character. Emotions need to be heightened for me sometimes when I write and I am trying to work in more detail rather than broad strokes. That is my biggest struggle; not making it too universal that it is bland but still making something universal enough that it is understood. This piece of writing is something that I worked on a LONG time ago and forgot about. I was looking through some stuff tonight and found it. Any thoughts? Would love feedback. I feel like its a little all over the place at the moment and am looking to refine it a bit.

I’m just looking for that firework
That explosion up above
To grab my eyes from the level
I have been searching at for love
Last time it sprang
I heard the noise
And expectantly looked up
But just gazed to find
A lack of light trailing
After the sound;
Unfulfilled excitement.
You were my firework.

I looked at you
And my heart was pushing up my body;
Containment overflowing
But its all been pushed out
Without someone to catch it
Even though you knew
That I was
Screaming loudly like a child
Who was reaching out for somebody.
And your eyes met mine
Devoured every bit
Knowing I loved you,
Loving that I did,
But not loving me in return.

I have to learn
To come to my own conclusions
Without being inside your head
I’ve had to yearn
To deal with differences
Existing from the day when we began.
Unless I want to,
How can I stop looking up?

I want to lay in bed with you
On a Sunday afternoon
Walk in on you brushing your teeth
Know secrets you thought you would keep
Forever.
I want to know about your mother and your father too
I want to know how your middle school friends made fun of you
I want to know everything that turned you into you
But I don’t
And I won’t.

I can’t survive with soundless images
And I cannot survive with noisy blindness
I need my senses to match up
Let down defenses
I need my fireworks to light up.
When they do
It illuminates you.

Water,
Reflect me
Don’t show a sky that lacks light
My explosion
My firework
Is forcing love alive at night.

It will happen
When you least expect it.
But how can I not expect
Something I crave so deeply?
Something that I struggle
With completely
The key that I believe
Would complete me
Even though I know that…

The sound is missing from my firework
When will the advancement come
Or why is my cohesion so late?
I can only sit under this sky looking up
Lonely and contemplate
The noise in my head
Noise I love
But also dread.

"I Ran."

My new obsession with reading is clopping along as the Met progresses. It seems these days that I just can’t put books down which for me is a very rare occurrence. Will this new obsession last or will it fade once the confinement of the Met is lifted off of me? I can only hope that it will remain a presence in my life as it feels to me that I am accomplishing so much more by reading than watching endless hours of crappy television. Escapism is something that we are all searching for in long days in the theater and a book is the perfect place to accomplish that.

This thought brings to mind a conversation I had with a friend recently who accused me of being “obsessed with bettering” myself. Now the last time I checked of all things to be addicted to, bettering yourself is fairly low on the list of things to be cautious of. Now were I to be obsessed with doing crack or kicking pigeons (inside joke sorry) maybe I would want a friend to intervene. The funny thing is that I don’t even look at it in the sense of me bettering myself, which is what I told him, I look at it as me following what my mind wants to do. I never want to force my views on others (even though I do try at times) and I most certainly never want to try to be someone that I am not. However I feel like so often the world that I live in asks me to be someone that I don’t want to be.

Searching for the person you are meant to be was one of the prevailing themes of the book that I just finished “Kite Runner”. Now so many people had told me how great this novel was and I was hesitant at first but by the end found myself stunned and close to tears. The idea that what we do in our childhood can have such a profound impact on your life is a scary thing to contemplate. Have I done things already that will forever change the outcome of my life? Well of course the answer is that everything you do affects the day, the week, the month and the years after that event, but will it come back in a profound way? That is exactly what happens in this harrowing book and the repercussions of that childhood event are startling. Without giving anything away I will say that it was great to read a book that has such a social relevance to the time we are in right now. As I sit her watching the Daily Show I realize how the picture that the US paints of Afghanistan is so one-note and I never think of the people that live there through this turmoil. “Kite Runner” paints a vivid picture of the fact that Afghanistan is full of actual human beings not just terrorists. Those children have the same hopes and dreams for happiness that American children have they just do not have the means to accomplish those dreams that we are all so fortunate to have. It has an almost eerie effect giving this world that I feel is painted as being so heartless by the news media not only a heart but also a brain and hopes as well.

We are almost halfway done with Met Season and I am having a great time. “Cinderella” passed much more quickly than we thought the 11 shows would and doing ballroom was especially fun. I had a few moments where I could not contain my laughter on stage and felt completely unprofessional but I can only hope they were not noticeable from the audience. The girls in the corps just know how to get me to crack up and they don’t let up once they get me going. Damn them!

Sorry if these past couple of blogs have been boring. I feel like by the time I get home I am slightly brain-dead and on top of that I have my mom in town so have been spending time with her! I promise to be more regular soon! I am working on a new piece of writing that I hope to have up within the next week or so.

The picture above is of my past blog star Adrienne, David and I out at a Latin club this weekend blowing off some steam after dancing 11 Cinderella’s by dancing some more!

A Day In The Life of "Cinderella" (starring Adrienne)

The Pumpkin heads await us as the Cinderella day begins. Let me take you on a photo storybook journey!

Adrienne goes under Tom's masterful brush to become.....

THE SASSY STEPMOTHER!

She practices getting into character by scolding Kristi....while her other daughter....

Marian gets a few last minute touch-ups from her dresser to which Adrienne says....

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! GET IN THE CAR!"
Meanwhile...

The SEXY bachelors await the arrival of the ladies.

After they arrive a final kiss is shared before they are abducted by....

A GIANT UFO PUMPKIN! To which Adrienne says....

"Here is what Thor has to say to that!"
THE END.