Firework (rough #1)

Writing has always been theraputic for me. Sometimes I take a grain of truth from my life and then magnify it and put the emotion of it onto a different character. Emotions need to be heightened for me sometimes when I write and I am trying to work in more detail rather than broad strokes. That is my biggest struggle; not making it too universal that it is bland but still making something universal enough that it is understood. This piece of writing is something that I worked on a LONG time ago and forgot about. I was looking through some stuff tonight and found it. Any thoughts? Would love feedback. I feel like its a little all over the place at the moment and am looking to refine it a bit.

I’m just looking for that firework
That explosion up above
To grab my eyes from the level
I have been searching at for love
Last time it sprang
I heard the noise
And expectantly looked up
But just gazed to find
A lack of light trailing
After the sound;
Unfulfilled excitement.
You were my firework.

I looked at you
And my heart was pushing up my body;
Containment overflowing
But its all been pushed out
Without someone to catch it
Even though you knew
That I was
Screaming loudly like a child
Who was reaching out for somebody.
And your eyes met mine
Devoured every bit
Knowing I loved you,
Loving that I did,
But not loving me in return.

I have to learn
To come to my own conclusions
Without being inside your head
I’ve had to yearn
To deal with differences
Existing from the day when we began.
Unless I want to,
How can I stop looking up?

I want to lay in bed with you
On a Sunday afternoon
Walk in on you brushing your teeth
Know secrets you thought you would keep
Forever.
I want to know about your mother and your father too
I want to know how your middle school friends made fun of you
I want to know everything that turned you into you
But I don’t
And I won’t.

I can’t survive with soundless images
And I cannot survive with noisy blindness
I need my senses to match up
Let down defenses
I need my fireworks to light up.
When they do
It illuminates you.

Water,
Reflect me
Don’t show a sky that lacks light
My explosion
My firework
Is forcing love alive at night.

It will happen
When you least expect it.
But how can I not expect
Something I crave so deeply?
Something that I struggle
With completely
The key that I believe
Would complete me
Even though I know that…

The sound is missing from my firework
When will the advancement come
Or why is my cohesion so late?
I can only sit under this sky looking up
Lonely and contemplate
The noise in my head
Noise I love
But also dread.