Teacher/Student.

With the recent passing of Melissa Hayden, NCSA has been on my mind a lot lately. I am not a person that takes time to reflect as much as I should but when I heard the horrible news I was suddenly flooded with memories from my days growing up at school. I looked through many old pictures and wished that I could just feel the comfort that I was too busy to know I had during my three years there again. All I want is to be walking through the halls and looking into the faces of the students and teachers that I had grown so much with at such a pivotal point of my life.

I always considered myself to be as close as one could be to at least a few members of the faculty during my time there. Yet there still exists a sense of guarding oneself in the relationship between student and teacher. During the past few years I have had the opportunity to reconnect and at least visit for a few minutes with past teachers of mine. Once you aren’t a student of theirs anymore it’s as if suddenly you can be your complete self and share all of life, not just school activity. In the past week I have had that very experience and made a deeper connection than I ever thought was possible with a teacher of mine from NCSA named Fanchon Cordell.

Fanchon was nice enough to agree to come and teach at my old studio in Missoula, MT for a few days and was able to stay in town for about a week. I have always enjoyed having relationships with people that are not in my age group and find that for some reason I open myself up more to people that are older than me. During the week that Fanchon was here I had the chance to sit and just be a person with her and get to know the real person she is as well. It’s startling how similar our views on life and art are and she was kind enough to come and watch me choreograph and give me her words of inspiration. There is no feeling like having the support of people you look up to.

As much as I know myself, sometimes I feel like she and others know me better than I can. By being able to sit and talk candidly with someone in her position I somehow feel more complete. I can’t even explain what it is but when I think about it all I can do is smile.

When, if ever, do we let ourselves progress our relationships with people? Some people will hold the same position in your life from the time you are young until you are die while others will continue to grow with you. There are times where as much as you may want to be closer with someone, for whatever reason it just doesn’t happen. In the week before Fanchon came I was nervous about what our time together would be like. Looking back I now see that that worry was completely foolish. Now I’m just so excited to know that I have deepened a relationship with someone that I care about so much.