Where to begin?

It’s odd that in a recent post I talked about how I hadn’t had to deal with death in my adult life and suddenly that moment has come. This morning I picked up my phone and saw a missed call that immediately informed me of what had happened. Melissa Hayden, former principal dancer of NYCB and my teacher for three years at NCSA, passed away. I want to be able to find the words to begin to describe what she meant to all of us but it’s impossible. There are too many stories buzzing around in my brain that I will cherish forever.

It was something that we all knew was coming, as she had gotten progressively more and more ill this summer, but I think it was also something that no one was willing to accept. There is no way to really prepare for this. If you were to look up “hard headed” in the dictionary you would see a picture of Melissa. Since I was a teenager at school everyone had joked about the fact that she would outlive us all. It just seemed impossible that this incredible woman with more energy and determination than any of us could ever leave this earth.

I will never forget her walking into class and striking a sultry pose in the door-frame as she cooed “what’s new pussycat?” I will never forget her referring to my male friends and I as her “ballerino’s.” I will never forget the smell of her perfume or the way she could correct you without even watching (and usually be right). I’ll never forget her packing up her bag and leaving in the middle of class when I did two pirouette’s instead of three. While there were many “challenging” times sprinkled within the good, somehow I look back on the times I cried during her class and just smile. There was this intense sense of love even within her madness that was unlike anything I have ever seen. You always wanted to do your best for Ms. Hayden and getting a compliment from her came with a sense of elation that was unmatched by anything else.

I can’t even begin to fathom the idea of roaming the halls of NCSA without finding her face as I turn a corner. There is no question that the dance world will be dealing with a tremendous loss with her passing. Wherever she is though, I know she is still setting ballet’s better than anyone else and finding that loudspeaker to shout her incomparable words of wisdom. I’ll miss you Ms. Hayden.