21.

The 21st birthday is an odd celebration. Thought of as a huge rite of passage by anyone under the age, it has unfortunately turned into a night of binge drinking and drunken insanity for many, many people. For the past 48 hours I, along with my best friends, have been busy celebrating the 21st birthday of my best friend since first grade Michael Lowney.

For me, Michael has always straddled that line of family and friend since the day we met. Having never had a brother, Michael and I found each other in first grade and immediately hit it off as he took the brotherly place in my life. For the past fourteen years he has been my artistic cohort and partner in crime throughout Montana, New York and his home of the moment, Michigan. So I felt a certain amount of excitement for him as August 13th approached but I was also worried that it was going to go a little bit overboard.

Well, it did. In the tradition of 21st birthdays, he took Missoula’s downtown bar scene by storm on Saturday night. Going out in Montana is kind of strange at any time. A huge array of characters were out on Saturday night as many people are in town for the Western Montana Fair (really, it’s a huge draw….ah, the allure of carnies) and it was, for lack of a better word, an experience. Hitting the macho straight bars of downtown didn’t exactly sound like the most exciting evening so as Michael went out with his brothers, I attended another party.

In a town this small though, all parties kind of blend into one if you have any mutual friends and before I knew it we were both at AmVets (the local gay bar despite the name) together. Friends in New York are constantly astounded that Missoula has ANY gay scene and maybe “scene” is stretching it a bit but it sure is interesting to observe. Over the past few nights I have mingled with some Montana Gays and I just felt a little out of place with Michael in Am Vets but it was a blast anyways.

Am Vets is originally intended to be an American Veterans bar but somehow was designated the gay bar by the patrons, much to the disappointment of the owner. Occasionally scattered beneath the disco ball and rainbow flags you will see some little old man in his war uniform wondering why the hell Janet Jackson is playing to the delight of the rest of the bar.

The point of it is though, for me, when I am with Michael and my friends here it doesn’t matter where we are it just matters that we are together. I had a few cheesy moments with my group here over the past two days where I just stopped and noted how life really would not be the same if I didn’t have each of them in it. There are some friends that you will always be friends with just because of history and while that is true with this group, it is so much more than that. I am always stunned by the fact that several of the people I have been friends with since first grade ended up being gay and the others and I have always maintained strikingly similar interests. Not only do we entertain each other but they all artistically inspire me too.

While we constantly reminisce about growing up together there is such a solid grounding in the present and a hunger to be around each other. Did we choose each other? Or did life just cosmically align all of our paths knowing that it would be a good combination? Hmm….that sounds a little heavy for me right now. I don’t know the answer to that, I just know that as we strolled around the deserted streets of Missoula last night at 3 a.m. on our way to Michael and I’s place of first meeting I was so elated.

We arrived at Paxson Grade School (where all of the pictures from last night are taken) and just had a joyous romp running around the playground. I think that every adult needs to get back and hop on a swing sometime and literally feel the same excitement you felt at recess for so long. Can’t we just have a giant playground for adults in the city? Talk about stress release.

Whenever I am in Montana I am reminded of how fortunate I am. Friendship can be such a fleeting thing but it can also be what grounds us and makes us who we are. I stress a lot about the relationships that I have in New York and navigating the difficult world of professional networking. Then I have a night like this with the people I care most about in the world and I realize that this, just this, is enough. The worries just melt away.