"The More You Know, You Know You Don't Know Shit." -Ben Folds

I am sitting looking at this old photo right now and realized that I have a little over a week before high school comes rushing back to me. Since I moved to the city I have only had the chance to go back and visit NCSA twice. Part of the problem with going to a boarding school is that for the majority of peoples families aren't located there, so visiting becomes problematic. I knew as I hugged my friends goodbye outside of the dorms on graduation day that it would probably be the last time we were all in the same place. Over the past few years some have come to visit, either on their own or with companies, but the majority are merely friends on MySpace now. Oh what the world has come to!

There are conflicting feelings inside of me; I feel guilty being excited to be going to NC when the reason I am going is so upsetting. Melissa Hayden’s passing still hasn’t quite sunken in yet and I know that seeing the halls without her presence is going to be startling. Even when she didn’t sound like Darth Vader, with her humming respirator that popped up once every year or so, you knew she was there. Without getting too much into her passing, I just realize more and more how different the school must be.

When I went back in Studio Company to dance, things were more or less the same from when I had departed. There were old friends but the setting was different. The school that I had grown up with was being bulldozed to make way for new buildings developing all over the place. As my life was rushing forward so was the school. Foolish of me to think that it could never change. When I came back the following year, most of the faces were new but there was still such a comfort. Looking onto this picture I chuckle (yes, I use that word) at the worries I thought I had then. Going into total clichéd territory now, it’s funny how high school drama has NOTHING on the drama afterwards. Or is that just what time does to drama, makes it all seem miniscule in hindsight?

Suddenly I feel like things have come full circle and that same fear that I had leaving NCSA mirrors the fear I have of returning. How have we all changed? It has only been three years but when we have stretched out to different corners of the country, who knows what we have all turned into. Seeing as NCSA doesn’t really have “reunions” in the typical sense of the word, this memorial weekend is going to be the closest thing I probably will ever get to a high school reunion. I have a feeling I am going to be bi-polar the whole weekend. Elated at the prospect of seeing everyone, but dealing with the reality of Ms. Hayden being gone. Change is a frustrating concept but sometimes it just has to be dealt with head on. (Cue NBC’s “The More You Know” music now.)
CHANGE YOUR LINKS!!!!